A · bewitching · bewilderment

first lines meme
Post the first line (or few lines) from ten of your favorite books, then let people guess (in the comments) what books they're from.

1. It was little more than three miles from the Wall into the Old Kingdom, but that was enough. Noonday sunshine could be seen on the other side of the Wall in Ancelstierre, and not a cloud in sight.

2. I learn in this letter that Don Pedro of Arragon comes this night to Messina.

3. it had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle.

4. There was once an old Queen whose husband had been dead for many years, and she had a very beautiful daughter. When she grew up she was betrothed to a Prince in a distant country.

5. Once upon a time there was a woman who was a real witch and she had two daughters; one was ugly and wicked, but she loved her because she was her own daughter. The other was good and lovely, but she hated her for she was only her step-daughter.

6. He lived at home with his mother, for he was unmarried. When she urged him to find a bride he answered, "I can only catch enough fish to feed two, so while you are alive I will not marry."

7. A magical barrier had separated the realms of the gods form the mortal realms for over four hundred years.

8. "Call her for me," he said. "Tell her I have had the strangest dreams, that they were about the twins. You must call her!"

9. In my time I have been called many things: sister, lover, priestess, wise-woman, queen. Now in truth I have come to be wise-woman, and a time may come when these things may need to be known.

10. The trouble with Harrowby Hall was that it was haunted, an, what was worse, the ghost did not merely appear at the bedside of a person but remained there for one mortal hour before it disappeared.

Yeah have fun with that kids!

Jon and I had our 'semi-versary' last night and it was QUITE nice. We cuddled and took a nap in the afternoon because we both got home from work early, then he surprised me with 6 red roses and a very nice home cooked meal that he put together all by himself. We spent the whole night together, and fell asleep very late.

On another note, I watched "Hotel Rwanda" for the first time and cried. I am sickened by the hatred of people in the world and the way that someone could kill out of self righteousness. Its slightly ridiculous how much something effects me, but I nearly had to shut it off while going through some of the worst scenes.

I've got a couple babysitting jobs this weekend, getting some extra money, unfortunately that kind of cuts in to my friend hanging out time. I at least get to go to game, but I won't be at my house warming party thing. Seems a bit silly, but I'm sure I'll be home by 1 or so, so maybe I can see some people I know.

3 weeks into my internship, 3 left to go, Its going really well, and I love actually being out there and doing good. It's an amazing feeling to be doing something good for people. I'm glad I chose this profession, and I think I'm going to be able to go very far with it. *sigh* here I come masters degree...in...5 or 6 years.

October 17th would have been my due date. It's kind of bothering me, but in an odd way. So many things change in a blink of an eye.

So, Jon and I move in together on Saturday. I'm kinda nervous, but mostly excited. I've been living with Mike and Renee for about 5 months now...>_> They have been incredibly giving, and understanding, and I've worked my ass off to try to get and keep a job. SO The time has come (The walrus said) to pack up and leave and let them have their couch back.

I don't think I could ever have made it these past 5 months without their help, and I don't even know how to begin to repay them, other than to gtfo their couch and let them have sex at any time any where, without me wanting to sleep. heh.

The good thing is, I have a job that I'm absolutely enjoying, I just started my internship at El Camino Hospital at one of their general clinics that is an off-shoot, and I'm loving that as well. I work for Dr. Frank Dopp, who is really silent, but apparently is a nice guy. He's just a little stingy. Hopefully in 6 weeks I will find a medical assisting job, and start making real bank, and can buy groceries for months to come since Jon has been feeding me a lot lately.

I can't wait to see all my stuff and get it out of storage. I feel like everything is coming together. I have big dreams and they are becoming reality. It's a nice feeling.

Move in day is getting closer and closer. Fortunately it seems I now have a steady job that I like. We'll see how this goes. After all the flakey people in the past I'm not taking this for its face value until it proves to be stable. Still looking for other things, focusing on school and interning.

I still haven't gotten my site for my internship but they said it might be on Thursday the very last day of class. Can you believe that I've made it through this silly 9 month course finally?! I seriously thought I wasn't going to make it at times. But now I graduate in 7 weeks, I go out on my internship in 1 week and I'm SUPER excited.

I am so very happy Jon and I have been making friends together. Our relationship is blooming better than ever and we're having fun hanging out with Chris and Laura and people we've me through Mike and Renee as well. I think being able to have more varied friends has really helped us be happier together and I feel really blessed for having so many people that care about me and like me for who I am at face value.

SO school is over on the 24th, and I am freaking out. We move in on the 2nd, so anyone that can help us move should give me a call. If you have a truck or even a large car, help us out that way we can get things done faster.

So, I graduate on November 6th with my Medical Assistants license finally. I am very proud that I've stuck it out. Starting December of this year I'm going to start working on my AS and that will be done by August 2010. Then I will start my BS and hopefully have my RN by the end of 2012. So projected I am hoping to have my masters done by 2015, so I'll have a masters by 27 at the latest. I WILL reach my goals! when I was in high school I told myself I'd have my masters before I was 26, this will do just as well.

Might have a small graduation party on the 6th or 8th if anyone would be interested in coming.

I woke up super early this morning to go to a free clinic that was only open for 3 hours to get my immunizations. Was there for about ...mmmm an hour? went in got my shots one after another (varicella, TB, HBV, HepA, and Dtap) and that was it. Was very quick and efficient. Unfortunately I already have a bruise starting from where the HBV and Varicella went in; the Varicella (or chickenpox to you noobs) vaccine has to be frozen so it was like having ice in my bicep. Owch!

Jon and I then went to a bookstore to try to sell some old books I had had sitting in storage, only to find that the bookstore is so BROKE that they don't give money anymore, and only store credit is 'paid' to you. So we went and had breakfast (which I was hoping to buy with the book money) and came home to try to see how much we could get for said books.

TURNS OUT that one of the books is worth 300 dollars. I shit you not. It's a signed copy of The Witches of Eastwick, so I promptly put it on ebay. I'm smrat like that. SO hopefully I'll make some money on ebay. The other 5 books I was going to sell are only worth about 17 each, but that's still something.

Jon and I then washed everything that we had rummaged out of the crap car that I had been given, and cataloged it and took pictures of it. We proceeded to make (hopefully) the most enticing craigslist ads for the not so great stuff that we found, and are going to see if we can't get this shit off our hands.

So! Now I am going to go take a nap in a comfy bed and wait for people to hopefully buy my stuff.

Got a call from pick and pull this morning that they'd be able to pick up my car today and junk it and pay me 151 dollars, then when we went to have it towed by pick and pull found that it had been impounded. Tommy, who gave me the car for free had told me that it just needed 2 easy to replace parts that would cost max 300 dollars together. Now when I went to look at the car to jump it it wouldn't start, then the battery wouldn't charge, so that's another what....100 dollars? then we looked at it in the daylight and the car was a MESS. We found old sushi, jack in the box, hooker clothing, backpacks full of trash, parts, and all manner of nastiness in this car. It was not worth free! And now it's been impounded, and is still legally his and I have the feeling he's going to throw a fit that I didn't clean it up and fix it in time. A) I didn't have the money for the parts B) I didn't have the money to register it and C) IT'S A PIECE OF CRAP.

My day just isn't going well.

So today is my first day of my long term babysitting/nanny job, in which I shall be watching twin 1 year olds for 9 hours in a row. I must be fucking brilliant to be able to do this. Let's see how this goes.

In other news I chopped off a good portion of my hair. It's a little funky right now, but hopefully that's just "new cut" look.

I start school this monday, so I desperately need to figure out a way to get a bike for cheap so I can ride to school. Can't be depending on everyone else to give me rides and such. Wish me luck! I'm GOING TO graduate. I know I can I know I can I know I can!

My boss hasn't given me any hours in the past week, and my second job hasn't started because of idiocy on their part. Apparently the hiring manager that offered me the job "is no longer with us" because (I'm guessing) she was hiring left right and center willy nilly and not really looking at qualifications. I have been promised a call tomorrow from the owner of the company who likes the look of my resume and the sound of my voice, so keep your fingers crossed! I really want to be able to afford rent and be able to come home to my own place and have my own room to go to.

"We live in a capitalist dictatorship!"

"It's the basic rule of the system, suck others dry and stop them from reacting."

"Happy, you think they're happy? Look around, get out of that company car and walk on the street! Anyone look happy? Or more like scared animals? Look into their living rooms, all glued to the TV listening to chic zombies speaking of happiness long gone. Drive around town you'll see all the filth, the overcrowding the masses in department stores up and down like robots on escalators. Nobody knows anybody! They think happiness is an inch away but it's unreachable because you stole it. That's how it is. You know perfectly well. But I have news for you, executive: The system is overheated. We're just the forerunners, your days are almost over. Swim in your shit technology, but others are full of rage. The rage of children living in slums watching American action films. That's one part, let see, Mental illness is rising. Serial killers, shattered souls, senseless violence...You can't sedate them with game shows and shopping. The antidepressants wont work forever either. The people have had enough of your shit system."

"It's not who invented the gun, but who pulls the trigger"

I'm feeling really lost right now. I've never been this hopeless. I feel like nothing's getting better and time is dragging. I start school August 15th, and graduate in November, and I don't know what I'm going to do from August til November. I'm STILL staying on my friend's couch, trying to pitch some money, but I feel like I'm taking advantage of them, and they're going to be sick of me at some point, if they're not already. I'm only getting 4 hours a week at my job so far, and it feels like time is just dragging on and on, and if this continues I'm just going to drown in debt. I'm afraid one day someone's going to find me all corpsified and gross under a levy because I'll have died of hunger and homelessness. I seriously do not even have enough money to make ends meet right now, if I were to try to pay even some kind of semblance of rent. I've got all these great friends around me, and I'm afraid I'm going to burn them up, like I'm a meteor that they're trying to cradle and protect, and I'll just devour them until they're used up. I don't want to be that!

I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. Maybe I should look into living at a shelter.
I'm going to try to get a second job, or babysit or something so I can make money. I really hope in November when my externship is done, that they'll offer me a job wherever I externned.

Early mornings are the worst, it sometimes feels like the sun isn't going to come up again; but then it does, and life goes on. I just don't know how to keep going day to day sometimes.

I had a fight with my mother today about what to do about life. The economy SUCKS. I'm sure you know. But let me tell you, trying to explain to your mother that you don't know what to do, have no sight of a job, and are living on a friends couch until some miracle happens isn't the best conversation. I seriously don't know what to do and now I'm slightly (more) depressed and am pretty beaten down about the whole situation now. I have applied to every job I can, and yet I haven't gotten anything . I feel like the world is tumbling down, and really wish I could at least pay my storage bill. I don't want to lose all my worldly possessions. Maybe I should sell some of my stuff....

if anyone has ideas, let me know.

I had a great weekend full of con people and con things and...conning. BWAHAHAHA I conned my way into a corset just by asking nicely. I pitched "would you like to see me in a corset?" and generally got a confuzzled look from people, then quickly quipped "you should donate so I can get one". It was BRILLIANT. I made 105 dollars in less than 24 hours, 12 of which I was sleeping...so. yeah. Party floor+asking for money= LOTS of TIPS for girl in chainmail bra.

I'll write more later, but just so's you know, I'm awesome and managed to get a corset for nothing essentially.

The heart is a pump,
made of chambers
ventricles, contraction,
capillaries, dilation.
It's nothing more than a muscle.
It can't be broken.
It can't have a hole.
It can't be given,
Kept, Keyed, Crushed, Corrupted
or grow 3 times its normal size.

It's all in your head
psychosomatic-
you aren't dying,
your heart isn't compromised,
It's pulsing 6 liters over and over,
And wont stop just because
your hormones are low.

I had the best day ever yesterday. Got up at 3pm, (after having a horrific asthma attack at 7 am...that doesn't count) got into my green, white, and black plaid summer dress; some black and white checked stockings, converse, my bunny hat of AWESOMENESS! and did my hair in pigtails. There will be pictures. Jon, my boyfriend, wore a yellow checked vest, white button up and (scary) green plaid pants which looked fantastic all together with his Mad Hatter hat, and the door mouse (a stuffed mouse we made a bow tie for).

We made our way to Chrysa's and went through the rabbit hole and emerged into Wonderland. There were red velvet cupcakes, 20+ types of tea (my favorite was the sour cherry and the mint cacao...granted with a shot of Jamison's) and numerous other finger foods (like these random little tarts that showed up later).

There was much smoking of hookah, cigarettes and other pleasurable things, as well as some drinking of alcohol(which lead to teapots being dropped and cracking.) Every teapot had a "Drink Me" label on one side, and the drink that it contained on the other. It was fair brilliant. After croquet, picture ops, boys kissing, chess and drinking, Jon and I decided to go since the sun had gone down and it was a bit chilly.

On our way to Jon's house trying to decide what to make for dinner we caught a glimpse of this gorgeous orb floating in the sky; and decided to go find the moon. Jon knew of this great drive up Metcalf (sp) road which took us far above the city where there were no other lights; just mountain, moon and stars. It was GORGEOUS. Possibly best night ever. We got out of the car, looked at the bear trundling across the sky, and then got back in the car to cuddle and look at the moon. And we just sat there cuddling quietly admiring the moon. It was a perfect end to an amazing night.

I went to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine this morning at 12:01 am, went to sunrise celebration service at 4 am (til 8am) in Palo Alto and brought the sun up with some Morris dancers and a lot of friends. Got to see Nick, Tiffany, Papa and Cari, then went to Hobee's for breakfast before driving to Renee's house to pass out. After much cuddling and rolling over in a double bed, Jon and I made up the futon in the living room to let Renee sleep peacefully. Woke up at 3 ish, then got Renee up again at 430ish. SO now it's 5:18pm and I'm really just starting my day. I need to make new names for days. They're more like wersday and thriday....heh.

(do you think I've gone too far?)

I called the cops last night because my grandmother was threatening me with bodily harm. So ...I've officially fucked myself. Cute little trick isn't it? She stood for a good 10-20 minutes yelling at me about 2 feet from my ear at the top of her lungs (she goes to 11 folks) and had her fist raised at my face and would not back away, so I panicked, and called the cops. I was just trying to study for a damned test in Injections and eat my ramen, but no, leaving me alone would be too simple.

So now, I have 30 days to move out, to goddess knows where, and get a job. Or rather, I will hopefully get a job, make money, and be able to afford to move out,and not couch dive or move to my mom's up north. Anyone, seriously, I'm dead true serious, ANYONE need a room mate in the Bay Area? hit me up folks.

So, as the title reads, I'm in a bit of a funk because I'm being honest with myself. I realize I have Borderline Personality Disorder tendencies; I've been self destructive, depressed, manic sometimes, and I tend to be very sexual randomly, instead of I suppose in a controlled area. Most of this is social, but it's kind of bothering me- hence the funk. I just don't know how to deal with it I suppose, and going over it in my mind I realize I really do depend on my friends more than one should. I feel I fall apart if I don't have anyone around, and I just don't do well all by myself. I get attached very easily, and I enjoy being taken care of, hence the falling in love. *shrug*

wish there was a cure all but there's not. There's not really a pill to make your personality better or more acceptable.